About

I am a 24-year-old woman living in London, with a partner I love more than life itself. Currently, she is my full-time carer.

I am also an actress, when my brain isn’t trying to kill me.

I am diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 (since age 18), Borderline Personality Disorder (since age 16), and Bulimia Nervosa (since age 10).

Currently, I am mad as a bag of cats (which is a technical term, of course).  I am in the middle of a manic/mixed episode, which exacerbates the symptoms of my bpd (borderline personality disorder) and generally renders my eating disorder off the charts (vomiting 10+ times a day).

Symptomatically, there are lots of elements. I have dissociative seizures (which are the bastard child of epileptic seizures, and panic attacks; I have full-body convulsion, spasm, scream, cry, dissociate completely). I have dissociative episodes (which means my brain leaves the building, even if my body doesn’t follow). Amnesia. Crippling depression. Impulsivity. Inability to look after myself in any way or form.

I self-harm through a variety of means. I have attempted suicide several times. For these reasons, everything dangerous – pills, knives, ropes – is placed in a locked safe. No, I’m not kidding. I have a safe in my living room which holds everything exciting. My partner is the only one who can get into it.

This is the story of my battle to get help and, I hope, the story of my recovery. I would recommend going from the beginning. This is my first post. I begin with an introduction, and track through my time in an acute adult inpatient ward, back home, battling with the NHS, CMHT, complex needs teams, assessments, psychiatrists, mania, depression, benefits, carers, all the rest of it.

I hope this may be of help. If not, it may at least be of interest.

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